You’ve gotta love the internet Volume 36789. The latest trend in online religious whanking has been deemed “bubbling,” where bubbles are applied to non-risque photos to simulate some naughty Mormon smut. Eh. It’s like a carbonated masturbation release…and everyone knows that leads to blue balls bubbles.
Well this is just too good to pass up. It’s like some type of beautiful alternate reality where mad libs take over the world and everyone has turned into sexual deviants who are embraced in the costumed community. Read the full story HERE.
According to a recent survey of 4634 of male drivers under the age of 30, 11% admit to “fondling” themselves while driving. Fondling is always a really creepy word in my book, as it certainly always evokes that scene in a movie where the Psychologist places the “doll” in front of the little kid and asks, “where did that strange man in the park fondle you?”
Personally, I think the car is the last place I’d like to get “reacquainted” with myself. There’s absolutely no privacy, not to mention people in Los Angeles all gawk at me trying to decipher the strange writing that appears on my car. Yes… it say’s Nissan. Say it with me. N-I-S-S-A-N.
I always find myself panicking at the beginning of the week that I’m not going to be able to find anything to write about. Sure, there are slow days on the internet., but I can usually beat out an infield single to keep the hit streak alive. I’d consider this story I stumbled across as an example of that.
A 47-year-old woman went in for a new set of breasts and came out with four tits. Usually getting extra anything (ketchup packets!) is a reason to rejoice, but the thought of carrying around a quartet of mammaries evokes bovine more than pleasure center. This poor woman. But she’s gotta place part of the blame on her surely hunched shoulders.
Maria Alaimo consulted with Dr. Keith Berman, whom she found in an online ad.
It’s always a good idea to seek medical consultation from online banner ads. Surely that’s why penile enhancement and the girth boner industry is steadily becoming the number one industry in the States.
Bulgarian vodka company Flirt offers you this great promotion, ladies. For every empty bottle of swill you bring in, you receive a shiny new pack of knee pads! No more sleepless nights because you have rug-burned knees from giving so many blowjobs praying.
This is one of those cases where rocking out with your cock out can turn deadly. It seems that urinals in South Africa are a place where blokes like to challenge each other to a good old-fashioned “whose got a bigger water moccasin?” contest.
Three men were shot dead and two others critically wounded in a Durban tavern following an argument over the size of male genitals, police said on Thursday. The argument apparently began when a patron of Indian descent made a comment about the size of a white patron’s genitals while both were at the tavern’s urinals.
I’ve heard of men shooting other men for what they did with their trouser snake, but never just because the reptile existed. Somehow I think the story is just starting to develop, and that the real events involve a game of swords, and a fateful Ghostbusters-like decision to cross the streams.
The Japanese are at it again, this time managing to even offend me. Me! The purveyor of kicking small dogs. Basically, Japanese game designers have come up with a video game that finds the player stalking a woman on the train platform, then getting all rapey on her. For fucks sake! How did we get from Galaga to groping?
Here’s my first problem with the budding relationship between boxer Wladimir Klitschko and Hayden Panettiere: the Amber Alert. Anyone who sees these two together can only assume that this monstrous Ukrainian has plucked this poor cheerleader from tumbling practice and is holding her against her will.
Megan Barnes was arrested in Key West after causing a two car wreck when she took her eyes off the road to trim her bikini line. But the plot thickens. Barnes was on her way to meet her current boyfriend, while her ex-husband was riding shotgun manning the wheel while she weeded her garden. I wonder how long it’s gonna be until PSA start popping up about the dangers of bikini waxing while driving, or they develop bluetooth technology specifically aimed at vaginal maintenance.
You know the global economy is really in the shitter when even the animal kingdom is turning to booze and cigarettes. Ai Ai, a Russian chimpanzee, is being sent to rehab to ween him off his vices.
“The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze,” the Komsomolskaya Pravda paper said.
It added he has now been transferred to the city of Kazan, about 800 km (500 miles) east of Moscow, for rehabilitation treatment.
Maybe they should think about reprimanding the zookeepers. It’s not like a chimp can just walk to the liquor store, which is quaintly located next to his favorite masturbation tree, and pick up a carton of Kools and a Colt 45.
