You’ve gotta love the internet Volume 36789. The latest trend in online religious whanking has been deemed “bubbling,” where bubbles are applied to non-risque photos to simulate some naughty Mormon smut. Eh. It’s like a carbonated masturbation release…and everyone knows that leads to blue balls bubbles.
Thanks to youswear.com, you now have the ability to berate and humiliate a person in any language of your choice. My personal favorite has to be Fuck Muppet in Australia. In fact, consider Fuck Muppet the name of my new gypsy punk klezmer band. The world tour will follow soon after.
You know you’re getting old when you start yelling at the television for a variety of reasons. Too much violence. Not enough violence. Covering up a starlet’s sweet, sweet nipples when I clearly remember getting to see the whole shabang during first viewing. But nothing seems to get my blood pumping quite like the latest Apple commercials for the iPhone Facetime. Get acquainted.
First things first. That actress is really cute and I’d like to introduce her to my latest Apple upgrade…The iPhone facial. So if it’s not her… then it must be the whole concept behind the spot.
The initial surge of popularity for ChatRoulette has started to dwindle, probably because the site boasted more bloated and sagging nutsacks than a seedy health club locker room. In an attempt to curb the users from pulling a Lyndon Johnson, moderators are said to be working on “Penis Recognition Software.” I’m well aware that computers are highly advanced these days, but is it really possible to teach a Mac or PC what a trouser barnacle is? What if a guy puts a tiny sombrero on his sausage in order to trick the software> These are the questions that keep me up at night.
In this connected age that we live in, the extension you choose for your email address can have Patrick Bateman-type consequences. Choose wisely, or you’ll end up living in a van down by the river with the addy topper@hotmale.com
As of late, social networking freedom fighters have been getting their panties in a bunch over Facebook’s plans (?) to use people’s information in a way that goes against their initial privacy policy. Even I’ve gotten a little nervous about my information, although that’s because I operate under the delusion that one day I’m going to become President, and my opponent is going to use that picture of me drinking Peppermint Schnapps out of a boot as slander.
Here’s their latest privacy policy:
Gawker has learned that Avid Life Media has put in a bid to purchase the gay man’s sports bar, PerezHilton.com for a reported 20 million bucks. I repeat… 20 million bucks for a pink poodle that draws cock pictures on photographs of junkies, athletes and other “holier than thou” entities. DON’T THESE PEOPLE HAVE A BETTER WAY TO SPEND THEIR LOOCHIES?
Pro skaters Jeff King and Chad Knight ask the eternal question: will the iPad shred? I’d love to see more of these iPad pilot programs. Next on the horizon Ben Roethlisberger seeks to find out will it press charges?
I don’t use Twitter, mainly because it takes me way more characters than the allotted 140 to offend someone. With that being said, I like to lurk in the shadows as a seedy celebrity voyeur, and check out every instance when a celebrity tweets her teets. Take Diora Baird for instance…I’ve heard that in cyberspace dating etiquette, seeing more than half of a woman’s breasts means that you’re going steady.
Being that I spend most of my time sitting hunchback in front of my laptop, I’m forced to sift through internet jargon all day. All the LOL’s. All the OMG’s. All the LMAO’s. The English language reduced to alphabet soup spewed out with tiny hashtags and cute smiley faces wearing sunglasses giving the thumbs up as if to say, “mission accomplished.” Never has this been so apparent than when trying to communicate with a chick who was born into the clammy touch of the AOL You’ve got Mail generation. Let’s go to our first caller, Hank Moody.
