Apparently there is such a shortage of condoms in Vancouver, that an emergency shipment is making its way across Canada to resupply the Olympic athletes. Health officials in Vancouver have already provided 100,000 free condoms to the roughly 7,000 ahtletes and officials at the Games. That’s about 14 condoms per person. But as of Wednesday, those supplies started running dangerously low.

In the meantime, officials are suggesting that the athletes put on the skin tight bobsled outfits and dry hump each other until the Calvary brings in the newest shipment.

Nearly 600 New Yorkers entered the Department of Health’s condom design competition. Now’s the time to vote on a winner.  I was really hoping the one that showed A-Rod and Jeter eating ice cream on a park bench took the top prize, but apparently they thought that it was too overtly homosexual.

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Safe sex may be what’s socially responsible, but that doesn’t get around the fact that treating your gee williker like a prisoner at Abu Ghraib is plain ol’ cruel.  If you really do have to wrap it up… here’s what I suggest.  And even a few that are weird, even for my taste.

TUXEDO CONDOM

Nothing says, “I don’t have the clap” like the tuxedo condom. If this came with a monocle I would definitely pretend I was the Monopoly guy while I did the Lord’s work.

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As part of a new “It’s alright to be tight” Australian campaign, Vodafone is showing that prophylactics are reusable. Sounds like a stimulated stimulus package to me, so long as we’re not forced into using hand me downs too.

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