Still basking in the glow of a riveting, albeit ugly, game 7 of the 2010 NBA Finals. For a Laker fan it was 80% pure torture to get to the last 20% of ecstasy, while Celtic fan had it quite the opposite but now they have to scratch their heads and think “what if” while their team is probably dismantled. But who knows? Maybe they let Ray Allen go and bring in Joe Johnson to replace him and we can all enjoy a rubber match next year. As for me, I watched the game with my wife and kids, which helped me keep everything in perspective through the first three quarters of action. And by “keep everything in perspective”, I mean that I didn’t dislodge my flatscreen off the family room wall and throw it onto Sepulveda Boulevard in a rage of alcohol soaked blood and vulgarities. Ultimately the Lakers righted the ship, prevailed for their 16th championship, and Kobe Bryant won his 2nd Finals MVP, despite one of the more deceptive stat lines imaginable- 23/15/2 on a ridiculous 24 shots.

In LA, the Lakers are a religion. Without a pro football team, this team dominates the local sports landscape. We all love the Dodgers too, and they have a proud and strong fan base that guarantees great annual attendance, but only a deep playoff run would distract the city from Laker passion for a couple weeks in the Fall. After a Laker title, there’s about a 24 hour period where everyone rejoices in the previous season’s accomplishments, and then we move on to questions about the next season and a countdown to training camp.

I am an armchair sports blogger in this situation, here to make bold predictions that have no backing (in other words, I’m talking out of my a$$), but that’s what we read blogs for, right? To that end, here are your top 6 Laker predictions for next season:

6. Ron Artest will finally make every Laker fan forget Trevor Ariza, if he hasn’t already. This has to be the most fun storyline of the 2010 NBA Finals- LeRon gets a ring. There are always a couple guys on each championship squad where you smack your head and say “I can’t believe (fill in knucklehead player here) has a ring and (fill in chosen icon to never win the big one i.e. Barkley, Ewing et all) never did.” This year it was Artest. The dude plugged his music career and thanked his shrink a mere moment after winning the championship, what’s more Hollywood than that!?! He may be a lunatic, but he’s our lunatic, Laker fans, and look for him to have an even stronger impact on the team next season. It might take him 115 games to finally understand the triangle offense but he’ll get there, and take some of the scoring load off of Kobe & Pau in the process.

5. Jordan Farmar will move on to another team where he can play more minutes and have a bigger impact. I have been a fan of Jordan’s since pre-UCLA days, hearing about him as he starred at neighboring Taft High School. It has always been a great story of a homegrown kid playing for two legendary basketball havens, the Bruins and the Lakers. But Jordan has never seemed completely comfortable with the Lakers and has been the only person to not benefit from Derek Fisher’s presence on the squad. Farmar always seemed 1 step forward, 1 step back- for every great play an ill-advised pass or blown defensive assignment appeared to be waiting in the wings. Jordan should take his two rings to a team where he can play more minutes and have a stronger impact.

4. Derek Fisher will stay a Laker. Continuing the Farmar analysis, I’m sure Jordan thought he would be the heir apparent to the point guard position for the Lakers, but unfortunately for him, he has played behind a guy who has not missed a start in 6 seasons, despite completing his 13th year as a pro. Fisher getting hurt is as rare as a Clipper playoff appearance, and his ability to find a 5th gear during the playoffs makes him invaluable to this team. Look for him to take less cheddar to retire in the Purple & Gold.

3. Phil Jackson will stick around for one more year. Reading the tea leaves on Phil’s future via his media soundbytes will not yield definitive results. It felt like the chances of him returning were slim prior to Game 7, but despite how close to the vest Phil holds his emotions, you can tell how competing for titles (and ultimately winning them) is an addiction for him. When ESPN’s Hannah Storm asked Phil last night if his only options are retirement or coaching the Lakers, he replied “I have not entertained that as of yet, and I haven’t heard anything specific as of yet. I can’t answer that question directly.” By not shutting down any chance that he wouldn’t coach another team, Phil appears to be keeping his negotiating chips open. If he said “I’m either coaching the Lakers or hunting geese in Montana” (or whatever he does up there), he would have less leverage with Dr Buss negotiations. If I was Dr Buss (and clearly I’m not since I’m writing a friggin blog for free instead of chilaxing in a hot tub with a trio of silicon enhanced bimbos), I would keep Phil as the highest paid coach (Larry Brown makes $7MM, give Phil $7.1), and give him a $1MM for every round of the playoffs he advances. Phil doesn’t have to take too much of a salary hit, earns his bonuses which the team grosses several times over for every title he brings to the city. Done and done.

2. The Lakers will Three-peat (registered trademark, P. Riley), beating the LeBron James-led Chicago Bulls in 6 games. I find the whole free agent Summer extravaganza exhausting, more hype than hope, and can’t really exhaust any energy about it. I’ll roll the dice and predict LeBron goes to the Bulls, what the heck. See you next June.

1. The Lakers will make one significant offseason move, acquiring a former player you may remember- Shaquille Rashaun O’Neal. If you notice, Shaq has been quietly buttering up Kobe and the Lakers recently, calling KB24 the best Laker ever and even speculating how Kobe’s ass tastes on Twitter. Kobe gloated about now having more rings than Shaq last night, which was a hilarious form of unfiltered candor that we rarely see at postgame pressers. Bottom line, Shaq clearly wants to end his career in a Laker uni, so there is no animosity when his number is retired in the Staples Center rafters. He undoubtedly feels he still has some game in him, and if his health can hold up whenever Andrew Bynum’s can’t, he has value to this team. Would he take a minimal salary to return? Dude’s got like a gabillion dollars, why not?! He will always have one ring fewer than Kobe, and there is no question who’s team this is now. My crystal ball sees the great offseason basketball summit not being LeBron, Wade, Bosh and all the other free agents discussing their destinations next year, but Shaq and Kobe sitting down with Mitch (with Phil Skype-ing from Montana) to discuss how re-signing Shaq makes more sense than one would expect.

You may have noticed, the Stupor Bowl went down yesterday. I heard it suggested that they move the game to Saturday, allowing America a day to recover before trudging back to work. My brain, liver and intestines would like to publicly endorse this idea. Wings n’ beer are not just for breakfast anymore, but that doesn’t mean you won’t regret overconsuming them the next day. I now realize the error of my ways yesterday and hope to make smarter, safer decisions in the future. Here are some other thoughts I had throughout the day.

- For me, the main theme going in to the game was that it defined you as a sports fan. Are you one who tends to root for the underdog? Then the Saints are your team. Do you prefer to see perfection, watch legends-in-the making, and get caught up in the hyperbole of sports history? Then you should root for Peyton Manning and the Colts.
- It’s always a dangerous practice for one player to be contemplated as the best ever going in to the championship game. We went through this in 2008 when the favored Lakers took on the Celtics and going into the series, every blowhard sports pontificator went on and on about whether Kobe Bryant was better than Michael Freaking Jordan. Is he at the table!? In the conversation?!! Who would YOU want with the ball and the game on the line!!?? Needless to say, the Lakers lost in 6. The funny thing is the athlete in question does nothing to fan these flames except be great. It’s not like Peyton Manning showed up at media day with a F%&@ UNITAS t-shirt on. Yet the pre-game coverage was 30% on Dwight Freeney’s ankle, 20% on Saints legend Archie Manning rooting for the Colts, and 50% on the greatness of Peyton Manning and the level at which he was performing. From now on, if your team’s best player is constantly being considered the best ever going into the big game, you should be very, very nervous.
- If you want me to purchase your product, you are best served having a humorous animal in your overpriced Super Bowl ad. Give me violin virtuoso beavers over Danica Patrick any day of the week.
- Speaking of which, hey Go Daddy- if I want to watch porn on the internet, I’ll watch porn on the internet. I’m not gonna go to your lame ass website to watch girls in tank tops. Trying to send dudes to the internet to watch your pretty-yet-clothed vixens is like sending a drug enthusiast to Amsterdam for a light beer.

Continue..

I’m not sure if this song is new, or 10 years old, but the NBA finals start tonight and I’ve got basketball on the brain. Is this day over yet?

DOWNLOAD - Lil Wayne - Kobe Bryant

Our homie Jay Rock has dropped a tribute to our Los Angeles Lakers, giving shout outs to the current squad, as well as Jack, Earvin, and the beloved Chick. The bar is set pretty low for musical tributes to sports teams, and while this one won’t surpass the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ “Magic Johnson”, it’s still pretty sweet. Not easy to drop names like Pau Gasol and Sasha Vujacic in a hip hop joint, knowhatimsayin?! As for the series, I’m going with the Lakes in 6. Four victories till the championship “is in the refrigerator, the door is closed, the lights out, the butter’s getting hard, the eggs are coolin’ and the jello is jigglin’!!”

Jay Rock “La Song” (grab the download link so you can rock this track in your car on the way to Staples):

Red Hot Chili Peppers “Magic Johnson”:

Jay Rock on VIMBY part one (part two coming Friday):

VIMBY - Jay Rock Pt. 1

After watching the Lakers’ Sunday siesta at the Toyota Center, I went through all of the stages a fan goes through when their team lays an egg in such disappointing fashion:

- Shock or Disbelief I can’t believe the Lakers didn’t show up- shocked that they didn’t take care of business.
- Denial There is no way we are losing this series, worst case scenario home court holds up and the Lakers pull out the series in 7.
- Anger Why do I care if the team obviously doesn’t!? Why am I inside watching this miserable game by myself on Mother’s Day when I should be in a swimming pool somewhere??!
- Bargaining If Lamar’s injury isn’t too bad, we’ll be fine.
- Guilt This Laker obsession has effected my relationship with my family.
- Depression I’m depressed over a stupid basketball game. On a family holiday.
- Acceptance and Hope It’s one game; Lakers will be recharged at home on Tuesday and probably close out the series in Houston on Thursday.

I actually think I’ve solved the sports enigma that is the Los Angeles Lakers. Do you have a friend who is practically addicted to extreme sports- bungee jumping, hang gliding, rock climbing etc? If you ask them why they do what they do inevitably they will say something along the lines of “the feeling of being thisclose to death is the only way to truly feel alive”. Some of us are attracted to risk, danger, and the adrenaline rush that accompanies such behavior. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your 2009 Los Angeles Lakers. They haven’t faced a challenge this year that can match what they failed to do last year in the Finals, competing in a series against a team that is actually better than them and having to muster up the moxie and fight to win four games against them. They had such a big lead during the regular season that losing a game here or there that they should have won wasn’t going to effect their postseason. When there was a big game they felt the need to get “up” for like their games against their most formidable foes in the Cavs and Celtics, they won every contest. Swept the Cavaliers. Swept the Celtics. In the first two rounds of the playoffs they have responded to each defeat with a resounding victory. Won game 4 vs Jazz. Won game 2 vs Rockets. They will win tomorrow night, probably take their foot off the gas in game 6 and lose it, then put their pedal to the metal again in game 7 and win the series. They won’t learn from previous missteps in the next round vs the Nuggets but their talent will probably carry them through to the Finals where they will face the Cavs, the only team that they can have even the slightest doubt about beating. I think they’ll beat the Cavs because they have enough size and talent to at least challenge LeBron. The Lakers are the only team the Cavs have even the slightest doubt about beating since they haven’t done it this season.

Most sportswriters and radio show wonks are writing off the Lakers’ chances to win a title, the theory being that a championship team doesn’t fail to take care of business like the Lakers did yesterday. Hard to argue with that theory, and it’s fair to think that the more times the Lakers bungee jump off the bridge, eventually the cord is going to snap. But until that happens, they’ll keep taking that risk and enjoy the rush of living on the edge. At this point I accept the pattern and hope I’m right.

…a day late. Before we get to the next round, can we talk for a sec about the two series that wrapped up this past weekend? The Bulls/Celts was phenomenal; to get the casual hoops fan to watch a first round series that doesn’t involve their favorite team, you gotta have a super competitive series that probably needs to go 7 games with multiple story lines, a few OTs, emerging young superstars matched up with big name veterans, etc. Check, check, check, check, check…Meanwhile, the Hawks/Heat series also went 7 which should usually generate national interest on it’s own. We love game 7s of course, with everything on the line. But as Tim Cowlishaw said on “Around The Horn”, the Hawks/Heat series was the bizzarro Celts/Bulls- perhaps the least compelling 7 game series of all time. Every game was a blowout, with game 4 being the closest thing to a “nail-biter” when the Hawks beat the Heat in Miami by 10 points. Average point differential was about 19 points. Typically the playoffs is all about adjustments, but obviously neither team could make any adjustments to learn from previous games. Signs of two young teams not ready for prime time. Which brings us to the semis.

Cavs/Hawks I can’t figure out how the Hawks win a game in this series. The Cavs are focused, determined and have the MVP in LeBron James. Maurice Evans has about as much chance of slowing down the king as me stopping a Ford F-150 driving down the highway with my bare hands. Maybe if Josh Smith guards him and bodies him up, oh, who am I kidding? Cavs in 4.
Magic/Celtics The least predictable series of the 4. The Celts showed grit by prevailing the Bulls but I feel like a few days from now that performance will be diminished when we see them go up against a true big man in Dwight Howard. The Bulls had nothing inside, nothing. This is where they really will miss KG. I’m going to go out on a limb and predict the Magic win the series, easier than expected. I would say 5 games but that would mean they’d have to eliminate the Celtics in Boston. Magic in 6.
Lakers/Rockets Going into the playoffs, Laker Nation was most worried about facing Portland in the 2nd round since they had their troubs playing in the Rose Garden. Despite the fact that the Rockets didn’t win a game vs the Lakers this year, I think they’ll be tougher than leather. The Rockets two best assets are their ability to play defense oriented, playoff style basketball which you wouldn’t see during the regular season, and Yao Ming going up against a suddenly regressing Andrew Bynum. The Lakes should prevail, but if Artest & Battier (Art-Bat?) control Kobe like the Celtics did last year, we could witness the second coming of the Rockets’ shocking upset of the Lakers in 1981. That was a three game series. I think this one is going the distance with the Lakers surviving in 7.
Nuggets/Mavericks The least interesting of the 4 series. If I wrote this prior to yesterday’s game 1 I would’ve predicted the Mavs in 6 since they played amazingly well against the Spurs and match up decently to the Nuggets with J-Kidd on Chauncey. However, I’m writing this today. Nuggets in 5.

Footnote: if I’m making predictions strictly based on the teams’ cheerleaders, based on this post on Coed Magazine, I would say somehow the Hornets prevail despite losing the first round with the Cavs getting swept…

Who’s ready for the playoffs?  I’m predicting a Lakers vs. Bulls championship. I wonder if Michael and Magic would suit up.