Still basking in the glow of a riveting, albeit ugly, game 7 of the 2010 NBA Finals. For a Laker fan it was 80% pure torture to get to the last 20% of ecstasy, while Celtic fan had it quite the opposite but now they have to scratch their heads and think “what if” while their team is probably dismantled. But who knows? Maybe they let Ray Allen go and bring in Joe Johnson to replace him and we can all enjoy a rubber match next year. As for me, I watched the game with my wife and kids, which helped me keep everything in perspective through the first three quarters of action. And by “keep everything in perspective”, I mean that I didn’t dislodge my flatscreen off the family room wall and throw it onto Sepulveda Boulevard in a rage of alcohol soaked blood and vulgarities. Ultimately the Lakers righted the ship, prevailed for their 16th championship, and Kobe Bryant won his 2nd Finals MVP, despite one of the more deceptive stat lines imaginable- 23/15/2 on a ridiculous 24 shots.

In LA, the Lakers are a religion. Without a pro football team, this team dominates the local sports landscape. We all love the Dodgers too, and they have a proud and strong fan base that guarantees great annual attendance, but only a deep playoff run would distract the city from Laker passion for a couple weeks in the Fall. After a Laker title, there’s about a 24 hour period where everyone rejoices in the previous season’s accomplishments, and then we move on to questions about the next season and a countdown to training camp.

I am an armchair sports blogger in this situation, here to make bold predictions that have no backing (in other words, I’m talking out of my a$$), but that’s what we read blogs for, right? To that end, here are your top 6 Laker predictions for next season:

6. Ron Artest will finally make every Laker fan forget Trevor Ariza, if he hasn’t already. This has to be the most fun storyline of the 2010 NBA Finals- LeRon gets a ring. There are always a couple guys on each championship squad where you smack your head and say “I can’t believe (fill in knucklehead player here) has a ring and (fill in chosen icon to never win the big one i.e. Barkley, Ewing et all) never did.” This year it was Artest. The dude plugged his music career and thanked his shrink a mere moment after winning the championship, what’s more Hollywood than that!?! He may be a lunatic, but he’s our lunatic, Laker fans, and look for him to have an even stronger impact on the team next season. It might take him 115 games to finally understand the triangle offense but he’ll get there, and take some of the scoring load off of Kobe & Pau in the process.

5. Jordan Farmar will move on to another team where he can play more minutes and have a bigger impact. I have been a fan of Jordan’s since pre-UCLA days, hearing about him as he starred at neighboring Taft High School. It has always been a great story of a homegrown kid playing for two legendary basketball havens, the Bruins and the Lakers. But Jordan has never seemed completely comfortable with the Lakers and has been the only person to not benefit from Derek Fisher’s presence on the squad. Farmar always seemed 1 step forward, 1 step back- for every great play an ill-advised pass or blown defensive assignment appeared to be waiting in the wings. Jordan should take his two rings to a team where he can play more minutes and have a stronger impact.

4. Derek Fisher will stay a Laker. Continuing the Farmar analysis, I’m sure Jordan thought he would be the heir apparent to the point guard position for the Lakers, but unfortunately for him, he has played behind a guy who has not missed a start in 6 seasons, despite completing his 13th year as a pro. Fisher getting hurt is as rare as a Clipper playoff appearance, and his ability to find a 5th gear during the playoffs makes him invaluable to this team. Look for him to take less cheddar to retire in the Purple & Gold.

3. Phil Jackson will stick around for one more year. Reading the tea leaves on Phil’s future via his media soundbytes will not yield definitive results. It felt like the chances of him returning were slim prior to Game 7, but despite how close to the vest Phil holds his emotions, you can tell how competing for titles (and ultimately winning them) is an addiction for him. When ESPN’s Hannah Storm asked Phil last night if his only options are retirement or coaching the Lakers, he replied “I have not entertained that as of yet, and I haven’t heard anything specific as of yet. I can’t answer that question directly.” By not shutting down any chance that he wouldn’t coach another team, Phil appears to be keeping his negotiating chips open. If he said “I’m either coaching the Lakers or hunting geese in Montana” (or whatever he does up there), he would have less leverage with Dr Buss negotiations. If I was Dr Buss (and clearly I’m not since I’m writing a friggin blog for free instead of chilaxing in a hot tub with a trio of silicon enhanced bimbos), I would keep Phil as the highest paid coach (Larry Brown makes $7MM, give Phil $7.1), and give him a $1MM for every round of the playoffs he advances. Phil doesn’t have to take too much of a salary hit, earns his bonuses which the team grosses several times over for every title he brings to the city. Done and done.

2. The Lakers will Three-peat (registered trademark, P. Riley), beating the LeBron James-led Chicago Bulls in 6 games. I find the whole free agent Summer extravaganza exhausting, more hype than hope, and can’t really exhaust any energy about it. I’ll roll the dice and predict LeBron goes to the Bulls, what the heck. See you next June.

1. The Lakers will make one significant offseason move, acquiring a former player you may remember- Shaquille Rashaun O’Neal. If you notice, Shaq has been quietly buttering up Kobe and the Lakers recently, calling KB24 the best Laker ever and even speculating how Kobe’s ass tastes on Twitter. Kobe gloated about now having more rings than Shaq last night, which was a hilarious form of unfiltered candor that we rarely see at postgame pressers. Bottom line, Shaq clearly wants to end his career in a Laker uni, so there is no animosity when his number is retired in the Staples Center rafters. He undoubtedly feels he still has some game in him, and if his health can hold up whenever Andrew Bynum’s can’t, he has value to this team. Would he take a minimal salary to return? Dude’s got like a gabillion dollars, why not?! He will always have one ring fewer than Kobe, and there is no question who’s team this is now. My crystal ball sees the great offseason basketball summit not being LeBron, Wade, Bosh and all the other free agents discussing their destinations next year, but Shaq and Kobe sitting down with Mitch (with Phil Skype-ing from Montana) to discuss how re-signing Shaq makes more sense than one would expect.

With game one in the books, and Kobe still showing his teeth as if to say, “you mess with the Mamba and I’ll show you my venom,” the Michael Jordan comparisons are coming out of the woodwork like termites on a fresh 2×4.  Sports radio phone lines are lit up like the Griswold’s house during the Yuletide season, asking one major question: who’s better, Michael or Kobe?

Sure, we could place statistics side by side or talk about the hand checking rule.  We could debate Shaq and “how his ass taste.”  We could count championships and other accolades.  But that’s only going to reveal one truth.  Kobe is always going to be a close second.  Being that I’m a sporting man, I’ve devised a couple categories where the Black Mamba can compete with His-Airness.

Continue..

Maybe it’s just me, but if I were a high-profile athlete, I wouldn’t let some poof dress me up like an ear swab. In the midst of the Lakers playoff push, Kobe has seem himself go from Black Mamba to white q-tip. If you wanna read Kobe’s thoughts on dog shit, here’s his profile from The Los Angeles Times Magazine section.

Let me be clear. The sentiment behind the remake of “We Are The World” to benefit makes perfect sense. No doubt the hearts of the organizers and artists involved are in the right place. Of course we all want to see the people of Haiti rebuild their lives, and they need our money and awareness. But from a music standpoint, I need to be honest, if un-PC: “We Are The World 25 For Haiti” is the most ungodly piece of musical dogshit since Kobe Bryant tried to launch a music career (I’m a huge Kobe fan but I couldn’t even get through the first 90 seconds of his song. The record label refused to release it, and that’s really saying something).

I can’t fault the artists, really- if doing what you do for a living can benefit a nation as devastated as Haiti, by all means you should sign up. However, the whole musical experience of the new “We Are The World” is so off-putting that it serves to challenge the altruism of anyone watching it from the moment it starts. First of all, by kicking it off with Justin Bieber, a teen pop artist whose only musical talent proven thusfar is a nice head of hair, you are basically saying to anyone who remembers the original “We Are The World” that their interest in this musical exercise is unnecessary. Later seeing/hearing Tony Bennett and Barbra Streisand contributing verses comes off as an effort to counter the Bieber factor. Uh, one minor problem- there is about 68 years between Bennett and Bieber. So to those of us who grew up watching anything between the Brady Bunch and Seinfeld, are we aced out of the equation!? We WERE “We Are The World”, and we have the faux Michael Jackson glitter gloves and Members Only jackets in the back of our closets to prove it!

When we get to the chorus we see that they decided to leave the original Michael Jackson recording in. Can’t replace MJ, I get it. Again though, if you remember the original WATW, you probably get the sinking feeling watching Jackson that the musical landscape has gone in the shitter since. It’s like watching the NBA All Star Game dunk contest over the weekend having just watched video of the classic Jordan/Dominique duels back in ‘87 & ‘88. Thanks for reminding me that the past is better than the present…

After Michael Jackson, and Streisand and Bennett, our eardrums are assaulted with an artillery round of bad performances from a variety of artists. Enrique, ouch. Wyclef, love what you’re doing for your homeland, but the shrill singing sounds like a bad American Idol audition. Adam Levine, just stop. If you survived all of this without clicking off the video, you are treated to a few seconds of Jamie Foxx impersonating Ray Charles. I was unaware that in addition to the teen demo, the hip-hop demo and the geezer demo, we were also trying to round up the impersonator aficionado demo. I didn’t see Rich Little in the choir. Jamie, your music cred is already pretty iffy, let’s not remind everyone that your strongest artistic achievement was your Oscar winning performance of Charles. Just be Jamie, Jamie.

And just when you think it couldn’t get any worse- AUTOTUNE! Are you fucking kidding me with the Autotune? Until Kanye figured out how to make Autotune an interesting studio technique on 808s & Heartbreaks, it was used to help tune bad singers who couldn’t stay in tune. Now it’s used as a vehicle to allow rappers who can’t sing expand their musical palate. It’s an irritating fad that Jay Z tried to proclaim dead last year but, like a bad case of the clap, won’t go away. If you can’t sing, perhaps you should stand in the back row of the chorus and lipsync like I’m sure Dan Aykroyd did in the original.

An interesting side note about Jay Z here. H.O.V.A. and I appear to be on the same page. He recently stated that he had no interest in remaking the original and suggested a new song be written. I’m with you Jay- I got 99 problems, and the We Are The World remake is one of them. But I digress.

OK it can’t get any worse after the Autotune segment, right? Well how about a bunch of mainstream rappers taking the entire song hostage for about a minute?! If you watch the original, it’s interesting that there is no hip-hop element to the song. Rap was starting to bubble but had yet to reach a mainstream (i.e. middle class/white) audience yet. In fact I would argue that the moment hip-hop went from fad to legit musical movement came between 1985’s WATW and 1986’s Run-DMC/Aerosmith collaboration “Walk This Way”. Music has never been the same since, but by including a cheesy rap bridge in the middle of the new song, you cheapen the influence hip-hop has had on mainstream music for some 25 years. Rap music can convey a lot of emotions, but it doesn’t do earnest very well. This is not a racial thing- check out the Beastie Boys trying (unsuccessfully) to rap about 9/11 and George W Bush on 2004’s To The 5 Boroughs.

I admit, I’m a first class cynic when it comes to tripe like this. Be part of the solution, you may say. Well here’s a proposal that reflects the modern musical landscape and doesn’t feel like a desperate attempt to duplicate an idea that was not particularly effective the first time around. The most satisfying efforts musicians have made to contribute to the crisis in Haiti thusfar have been various methods of charging their fans for music with proceeds going to charities focused on rebuilding the city. The big “Hope For Haiti Now” concert telethon posted all of the performances on itunes with the proceeds going to various charities. Wilco posted two full concerts from their recent tour, asking that fans donate $15 to Oxfam or Doctors Without Borders in exchange for the privilege of downloading the bootlegs. Music For Relief posted a compilation of songs from various artists with similar donation guidelines. They use the honor system in the hopes that everyone who downloads will donate, but even the most ardent advocate for file sharing couldn’t live with themselves if they didn’t contribute something.

I donated to Haiti via all of these causes. Hell, the Music For Relief comp featured artists that I had to immediately delete from my itunes out of fear that their music would contaminate the rest of my collection (looking at you again, Enrique). I would argue that many of the contributors to these download for dollars causes are the audience the record labels lost years ago, people who see no reason to buy music anymore. So I suggest that all of the major labels, itunes, and any other major online music retailer should join forces and dedicate a week where they offer exclusive, quality music for download with all of the proceeds heading to Haiti. Every artist that wants to participate can do so on their own terms, thus avoiding having to see Lil Wayne and Tony Bennett share a recording studio. Artists should be encouraged to release something good- new songs, bootlegs like Wilco, a remix compilation. Whatever- just make it something that your fans will be compelled to buy. Make it a worthwhile deal, something like $.79 per song, and have itunes also create a marketplace for it with a button to click and download the whole virtual boxed set for $99. A monkey or your mother should be able to download the tracks without confusion. Put some promotion behind it and make it clear that these tracks will only be available for a limited time, which will compel people to act now. There will be no harm in utilizing the opportunity for bands to promote something they are proud of- drop your new single, post the best concert of your tour, release the original demos of your greatest hits, showcase the DJ who remixed your hit single- no one will judge you because it will be clear that we are all contributing to a greater cause here. After all, the music business might not be without electricity and sleeping in mud with no food, but it could use a little help too.

If you can stomach it, here’s “We Are The World 25 For Haiti”. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery after viewing.

You may have noticed, the Stupor Bowl went down yesterday. I heard it suggested that they move the game to Saturday, allowing America a day to recover before trudging back to work. My brain, liver and intestines would like to publicly endorse this idea. Wings n’ beer are not just for breakfast anymore, but that doesn’t mean you won’t regret overconsuming them the next day. I now realize the error of my ways yesterday and hope to make smarter, safer decisions in the future. Here are some other thoughts I had throughout the day.

- For me, the main theme going in to the game was that it defined you as a sports fan. Are you one who tends to root for the underdog? Then the Saints are your team. Do you prefer to see perfection, watch legends-in-the making, and get caught up in the hyperbole of sports history? Then you should root for Peyton Manning and the Colts.
- It’s always a dangerous practice for one player to be contemplated as the best ever going in to the championship game. We went through this in 2008 when the favored Lakers took on the Celtics and going into the series, every blowhard sports pontificator went on and on about whether Kobe Bryant was better than Michael Freaking Jordan. Is he at the table!? In the conversation?!! Who would YOU want with the ball and the game on the line!!?? Needless to say, the Lakers lost in 6. The funny thing is the athlete in question does nothing to fan these flames except be great. It’s not like Peyton Manning showed up at media day with a F%&@ UNITAS t-shirt on. Yet the pre-game coverage was 30% on Dwight Freeney’s ankle, 20% on Saints legend Archie Manning rooting for the Colts, and 50% on the greatness of Peyton Manning and the level at which he was performing. From now on, if your team’s best player is constantly being considered the best ever going into the big game, you should be very, very nervous.
- If you want me to purchase your product, you are best served having a humorous animal in your overpriced Super Bowl ad. Give me violin virtuoso beavers over Danica Patrick any day of the week.
- Speaking of which, hey Go Daddy- if I want to watch porn on the internet, I’ll watch porn on the internet. I’m not gonna go to your lame ass website to watch girls in tank tops. Trying to send dudes to the internet to watch your pretty-yet-clothed vixens is like sending a drug enthusiast to Amsterdam for a light beer.

Continue..

Bill Simmons, aka the Sports Guys, aka Alec’s schoolgirl crush, was on The Colbert Report last night talking about his new 700 page tome, The Book of Basketball. Watch as Bill waxes poetic on why he thinks Wilt Chamberlain was gay and why baseball is for people over 50. For a guy dogging on baseball, he sure spends enough time talking about it on his podcast.

The highlight is definitely his comparison of Kobe Bryant to Teen Wolf. I hate to admit how much I loved it because I think it demeans the Wolf.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Bill Simmons
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Religion

Check out the trailer for NBA 2K10 which features Kobe Bryant shitting on the Los Angeles Clippers per usual. As the graphics in these games continue to push the boundaries on what a CGI landscape looks like, I’m still waiting for the realness of professional sports to be added. My avatar Ron Artest would definitely bring a pistol to the club.

via: gamespot

Last week I gave you the tv version, now enjoy the whole P-Rod video x Nike SB video. You’ve gotta tip your cap when a brand, an athlete, and the advertisers knock it out of the park. Hit the jump to see the behind the scenes footage with Kobe Bryant and Ice Cube.

Continue..

If Nike had run the ads this way, it would have become the best sports related puppet commercial ever. Sorry Lil’ Penny.

The Lake show won the title. Relish it. I had the Bulls x 6. The 85 Bears. The Jay Cutler era to come. Enjoy Shaq and Kobe’s tweet relationship. I have to say, Shaq has been pretty pro Kobe in these playoffs. We’ll see if he plays nice when he’s Robin to Lebron’s Batman in next years finals vs Kobe.

via: thedw