Sure, she’s 35-years-old. But finding out that Danica McKellar, better known as Winnie Cooper, is pregnant makes me feel like I’m officially not a child anymore. Like I need to be worried about adult issues, like health care reform so I can get a cootie shot booster.
If you were a kid growing up in the 80’s, Winnie Cooper was the girl you wished lived down the block from you, instead of that old guy who liked to air dry in his front yard. Here’s hoping that in a Peter Pan world, Topanga is still without child.
I’m a firm believer that every person has a spirit animal. Why? Because it sounds fuckin’ bad ass! Like one day when a bunch of ruffians have you cornered in a dark alley, you can harness the power of your inner cobra or mustang. In the case of Amanda Seyfriend, she’s definitely a frog. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, some people really end up looking like their spirit animal. And in my case, my personality is what determines my animal… a weasel.
I always search my mental inventory for something witty to say when I find a set of pictures worthy of posting. In this case, perhaps a joke will do. And away we go. A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $2.50 HANDJOB: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meager looking group of men.
“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile. “Can I help you?”
“I was wondering,” whispers the man. “Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”
“Yes”, she purrs, “I am.”
The man replies “Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”
In the spirit of March Madness, Sports Illustrated decided to create a bracket which featured some of the hottest photos from the storied Swimsuit Edition archives. Below is the winning shot, which features Brooklyn Decker showing off her love of geography. See the entire bracket HERE.
Christina Hendricks. Christina Hendricks. Christina Hendricks. Damn, I thought that maybe if I said her name three times like Beetlejuice she might show up and show me a thing or twelve about proper behavior on her the red carpet. And yes, that’s her husband. And yes, he looks like the bastard child of McLovin and the Mac guy. But I have to tip my hat to the bloke, he tamed this hell cat.
Lindsay Lohan continues to take off her clothes in hopes of either landing a film role, or giving a teenage boy an erection who can’t get his hands on proper “special alone time” literature. Either way, Terry Richardson is the proper smut puddler to get the job done.
Sure she’s a mega hot movie star. Sure she’s a hell cat in the sack. Sure she has thumbs that look like long-haul truckers’ big toes. But aside from all of that, there are just TWO reasons you can’t fornicate with Megan Fox. Fox told Harper’s Bazaar, “I’ve only been with two men my entire life, my childhood sweetheart and Brian [Austin Green]. I can never have sex with someone that I don’t love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand.”
Only two guys have parked their Oscar Meyer Wiener in her forbidden forest, thus making her vagina the most exclusive parking spot since the curb line at Studio 54. Too bad that interviewer didn’t ask her about how many guys she’s gone down… you get the picture.
Dov Charney brings you his valedictorians for his American Apparel sponsored ‘Best Bottom in the World” search. I’d be interested to learn if these lovely ladies include this prestigious honor on there resumé, or does this get buried in that same dark and damp place as that fetish video they made where a masked man tickles them and they pop balloons with their stiletto heels.
Finding out that FHM still exists, is kinda like being a Goonie and finding One Eyed Willy’s treasure. In this case, the diamonds and rubies come in the form of reality starlet, Audrina Patridge. She’s got the type of eyes that scream, “Hey you Guys!”
US snowboarder Hannah Teter is showing off her sweet cheeks to benefit Doctors Without Borders. The underwear can be purchased at SweetCheeksPanties.com, which explains that each pair sold will result in a $5 donation to Doctors Without Borders. Teter’s aim is to try and raise $100,000 by May.
You’ve gotta love humanitarian relief that involves booty shorts. It may be the only place where propaganda is full proof.
