You may have noticed, the Stupor Bowl went down yesterday. I heard it suggested that they move the game to Saturday, allowing America a day to recover before trudging back to work. My brain, liver and intestines would like to publicly endorse this idea. Wings n’ beer are not just for breakfast anymore, but that doesn’t mean you won’t regret overconsuming them the next day. I now realize the error of my ways yesterday and hope to make smarter, safer decisions in the future. Here are some other thoughts I had throughout the day.
- For me, the main theme going in to the game was that it defined you as a sports fan. Are you one who tends to root for the underdog? Then the Saints are your team. Do you prefer to see perfection, watch legends-in-the making, and get caught up in the hyperbole of sports history? Then you should root for Peyton Manning and the Colts.
- It’s always a dangerous practice for one player to be contemplated as the best ever going in to the championship game. We went through this in 2008 when the favored Lakers took on the Celtics and going into the series, every blowhard sports pontificator went on and on about whether Kobe Bryant was better than Michael Freaking Jordan. Is he at the table!? In the conversation?!! Who would YOU want with the ball and the game on the line!!?? Needless to say, the Lakers lost in 6. The funny thing is the athlete in question does nothing to fan these flames except be great. It’s not like Peyton Manning showed up at media day with a F%&@ UNITAS t-shirt on. Yet the pre-game coverage was 30% on Dwight Freeney’s ankle, 20% on Saints legend Archie Manning rooting for the Colts, and 50% on the greatness of Peyton Manning and the level at which he was performing. From now on, if your team’s best player is constantly being considered the best ever going into the big game, you should be very, very nervous.
- If you want me to purchase your product, you are best served having a humorous animal in your overpriced Super Bowl ad. Give me violin virtuoso beavers over Danica Patrick any day of the week.
- Speaking of which, hey Go Daddy- if I want to watch porn on the internet, I’ll watch porn on the internet. I’m not gonna go to your lame ass website to watch girls in tank tops. Trying to send dudes to the internet to watch your pretty-yet-clothed vixens is like sending a drug enthusiast to Amsterdam for a light beer.
True story. A good friend of mine was never content when the box of Franzia would stop pumping red goodness from the spigot. His solution? He used to remove the bladder system from said box and siphon the last few drops like a male nurse looking to clear a blockage on a colostomy bag. Ah…college!
In the wise words of Benjamin Franklin, “beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” Don’t like that one? Try a little Eddie Allan Poe on for size. ““Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chambers of my brain — Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies come to life and fade away; Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.”
Hayden Wright, a 4-year-old, was found wandering the Chattanooga streets at 1:45 A.M. wearing a dress and drinking a beer. But the plot thickens. Little Hayden managed to climb through a neighbors window where he opened five present under their Christmas tree, where he figured a costume switch was in order.
When asked for a comment, Hayden responded, “we’re going streaking!”
This is for all of you “do it yourselfers” out there who can only afford to steal away a few minutes from giving yourself the perfect stranger, yet have a healthy drinking problem.
When you think of relaxation, most people think a nice comfy hammock on a deserted island. Maybe a nice rub down from a Swedish woman whose hands travel to both the northern and southern hemisphere. But in the Czech Republic, it’s all about stepping into a nice beer bath. Fair warning, the last time someone lured me into a beer bath, I woke up in a tub full of ice and my kidney was missing. I figured gypsies were nihilists… that is not the case.
Sure, the kegerator screams, “I wear a fraternity sweatshirt.” But for those of us who don’t like to be spanked by wooden paddles, but do enjoy binge drinking, the kegerator is where it’s at. Head over to WIRED to get detailed instructions.
This is a terrific list put together by Debonair Magazine. Be sure to head that way to see the FULL LIST of drink orders from your favorite AMC show.
The lead character on Mad Men, played by Jon Hamm is Don Draper. As Head of Creative Services he is mysterious, a womanizer and a family man, feared and respected by his subordinates. Draper drinks with clients, drinks with dinner, and drinks alone. He prefers the darker spirits like scotch, bourbon, and rye. He prefers to order the Old Fashioned – simple, mysterious, and masculine like Don himself.
Ingredients
2 dashes aromatic bitters
½ tsp sugar dissolved with water and bitters
1½ oz of Makers Mark bourbon
1 cherry
1 orange slice
1 lemon wedge
Instructions
Fill glass with ice. Add cherry, orange slice and lemon wedge. Pour in bourbon. Serve in a rocks glass over ice.
Genius. The Booze Death Calculator lets you choose your spirit of choice, then tells you how much it would take to kill you. Now I just need a calculator that tells me exactly how much I can drink before I’m “unable to perform.”
Looks like Penn St. is having a good ol’ time, having taken home the top prize. The Princeton Review rankings were based on surveys taken by 120,000 college students nationwide that asked questions concerning drug and alcohol use at their respective colleges. Other statistics taken into account in the rankings were the amount of students in a fraternity or sorority, and the number of hours students study outside of class.
Other factors included how many people on campus wear “college” t-shirts and have a poster of Bluto on the wall. Also included are number of intramural powder puff melees and guys named Thad. Hit the jump for the full list.
