Our Kitchen Sink

Tiger Woods’ Google Super Bowl Commercial

alec — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 23:59:11 +0000

As soon as I saw the Google ad that melted every woman’s heart during the Super Bowl, I immediately wanted to tell the tale of a man who fell in love in Paris, only to realize that his french girlfriend had lax grooming habits.

It seems that the good folks from Slate beat me to the punch, only they chose not to attack the noticeably pungent Frenchies. Rather, Eldrick Woods gets treated to another pity party.

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Hunter S. Thompson Motivational Posters

alec — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:44:23 +0000

I tend to get really depressed when football season ends. Today is no different. After too many Simpler Times, I needed a little pick me up and sought refuge with some inspirational words from the good Dr. Only 364 more days until we bring the Super Bowl Shuffle back to Chicago.

(via)

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Thoughts From The Super Bowl

steve — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:15:50 +0000

You may have noticed, the Stupor Bowl went down yesterday. I heard it suggested that they move the game to Saturday, allowing America a day to recover before trudging back to work. My brain, liver and intestines would like to publicly endorse this idea. Wings n’ beer are not just for breakfast anymore, but that doesn’t mean you won’t regret overconsuming them the next day. I now realize the error of my ways yesterday and hope to make smarter, safer decisions in the future. Here are some other thoughts I had throughout the day.

- For me, the main theme going in to the game was that it defined you as a sports fan. Are you one who tends to root for the underdog? Then the Saints are your team. Do you prefer to see perfection, watch legends-in-the making, and get caught up in the hyperbole of sports history? Then you should root for Peyton Manning and the Colts.
- It’s always a dangerous practice for one player to be contemplated as the best ever going in to the championship game. We went through this in 2008 when the favored Lakers took on the Celtics and going into the series, every blowhard sports pontificator went on and on about whether Kobe Bryant was better than Michael Freaking Jordan. Is he at the table!? In the conversation?!! Who would YOU want with the ball and the game on the line!!?? Needless to say, the Lakers lost in 6. The funny thing is the athlete in question does nothing to fan these flames except be great. It’s not like Peyton Manning showed up at media day with a F%&@ UNITAS t-shirt on. Yet the pre-game coverage was 30% on Dwight Freeney’s ankle, 20% on Saints legend Archie Manning rooting for the Colts, and 50% on the greatness of Peyton Manning and the level at which he was performing. From now on, if your team’s best player is constantly being considered the best ever going into the big game, you should be very, very nervous.
- If you want me to purchase your product, you are best served having a humorous animal in your overpriced Super Bowl ad. Give me violin virtuoso beavers over Danica Patrick any day of the week.
- Speaking of which, hey Go Daddy- if I want to watch porn on the internet, I’ll watch porn on the internet. I’m not gonna go to your lame ass website to watch girls in tank tops. Trying to send dudes to the internet to watch your pretty-yet-clothed vixens is like sending a drug enthusiast to Amsterdam for a light beer.

- Judging by the # of $2.6M ads they bought, Doritos and Bud Light really, REALLY want you to be their customers.
- Mad props to Kia for using one of my fave new bands The Heavy in their ad! Here’s the ad, followed by the band’s amazing performance on Letterman a couple weeks ago.

How ya like me now!!?

- Speaking of Letterman, I loved the Late Show promo with Dave, Oprah and Leno. If Oprah can get Letterman and Leno to sit on the couch together, perhaps we should send her to Gaza.

- I fear that Lamar Odom’s cameo in that hideous Charles Barkley Taco Bell commercial may spell the end of the Lakers’ chances to repeat. Couldn’t they have gotten Mo Williams or Rajon Rondo instead!?

- The McDonalds ad with LeBron and Dwight Howard seemed to get props, but I thought that one sucked too. I don’t need LeBron treated with special effects for a dunk in a commercial. Give me a real LeBron dunk instead. And if neither of those dudes really recognizes Larry Bird, we’ve got bigger problems.

- The Who at halftime brought a connoisseur’s affinity for kiddie porn back to the Super Bowl for the first time since Michael Jackson performed in 1993…oh sorry, poor taste?! In all seriousness, I thought the Who was pretty cool. You gotta give props to the production crew that set up a super-cool stage set up in a matter of 8 minutes. I liked that they didn’t do the typical fans running onto the field to see the show. Roger didn’t hit the notes, but he hasn’t hit them for at least 15 years. Classic rock bands performing at halftime, while not officially jumping the shark, has appeared to run its course (unless Led Zeppelin wants to come to Cowboy Stadium next year). I don’t think they need to go back to the pop tart cavalcade of the pre-Wardrobe Malfunction era either though. I need an awkward medley of Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, Ke$ha and Kid Cudi like I need my skin torn of my body with a cheese grater.
- What’s more surprising- Peyton’s pick 6 to lose the game, or the lack of shots of Archie Manning and Kim Khardashian during the game?
- Win or lose, I wished I was watching the game in the French Quarter. That’s gotta be the best pro city to drown your sorrows when the home team loses, but as it happened instead, when Brees took a knee to end the game, I could’ve been trading Hurricane infused saliva with random female revelers while purchasing fake drugs and eating etouffee. That would’ve been fun.

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What Sarah Palin REALLY Had Written on her Hand

alec — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:50:05 +0000

Recently, Sarah Palin was caught checking out crib notes on her hand at a Tea Party Convention Q+A session. Our Kitchen Sink has an exclusive photo showing exactly what the Madame Maverick had scrawled on her hand. Kudos to her if she can play When the Saints Come Marching In.

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Must Have of the Day: Noise Canceling Ear Muffs

alec — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:53:08 +0000

Who dat say they wanna buy me some of those ear muffs?! That’s the first thing I said after the Saints won the Super Bowl. If those aren’t the new fashion trend of the Spring, consider me surprised.

And what foresight by Drew Brees I might add. He practically guaranteed a victory when he reminded his wife to bring the ear muffs.

“Hey, hun. Don’t forget the muffs. You know Baylen has sensitive eardrums, and we wanna be mindful of that when we win the game and I get the MVP.”

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‘Biggest Dick’ rejected as Saudi Arabia Ambassador

alec — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:25:24 +0000

Saudi Arabia has rejected Pakistan’s nominated diplomat, Akbar Zib, as his name translates to “Biggest Dick” in Arabic. The Pakistanis should have been prepared for the rebuff, given that he was also rejected for the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain posts because of his name.

In other news, Pootie Tang is flourishing as the U.S. ambassador to Japan.

(via)

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The Frank Sinatra Song that Kills People

alec — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:01:59 +0000

Philippine karaoke bars have been forced to remove Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” from their catalog after attributing the song to at least 6 murders in the last decade. Not surprisingly, the crimes have been dubbed the “My Way Killings.”

Now if only we can catch the vaunted Boom Boom Pow Strangler..

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What if Wes Anderson Directed Spider-Man

alec — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 17:00:27 +0000

While the fate of the Spider-Man franchise was up in the air due to script problems and director swaps, it was rumored that Wes Anderson was in the running to direct the reboot. While there may not have been any truth to these rumors, some one had the good sense to see what such a collabo would look like.

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Anne Hathaway x GQ UK

alec — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 17:00:39 +0000

Anne Hathaway shows up in the pages of GQ UK and looks sexy as hell. If only she talked with a cockney accent. That would definitely sweeten the deal.

Oy, get o’vr ere, guv’na and give sweetanne a fuckin’ kiss you puntah!

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Close but No Cigar

alec — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 22:48:57 +0000

After a long week of digging through news, scores and tantric sex techniques, I realized that there’s a ton of interesting things that I never get around to posting. With that being said, I decided to end the week with a couple links in a Friday finale called Close but No Cigar. If I haven’t tormented/enlightened enough during the week, hopefully these will tide you over until Monday. Happy Hour here I come!

The Picasso of Football

How to Report the News

University registrar offered forged degrees to women if they let him spank them for pain research

My Night with a Prosti-Dude

The 6 Weirdest Things Women Do to their Vaginas

Packers Fan Announces He Will Return To Drinking For Another Season

Fourth Grade Fight Club Gets Teachers in Trouble

Doctor casts new light on cat that can predict death

9 Jobs Most Men Would Die For

New Ketchup Packet Allows for Dunking or Squeezing

Top 10 NBA Gun-Related Names

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