Our Kitchen Sink

Forehead Titties

alec — Sat, 20 Mar 2010 18:00:22 +0000

Why am I not supposed to look at a woman’s cleavage? It’s right there in front of my face, and there’s no cotton or polyester covering that magical and mystic cave dwelling. If it were that private of an area, I’d assume a lady would cover it up. But instead they treat it like a spoiled child treats a treasured toy. “You can look at it, but you can’t hold it.” Everyone hates that kid. Don’t be that kid, ladies.

Chrisopher Walken Performs Poker Face Back from Halloween weekend. Lost a tooth to a determined...
The Most Bizarre Sex Ed Videos These retro sex ed videos bring up one thought in...
Shii - The Wii for Women Wii Fit was a huge success for that group of...

Close but No Cigar

alec — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 22:51:26 +0000

Click some of these links. I’m off to drink beer and watch basketball. Seacrest out.

Florida vampire to run for President
James Lipton from Inside the Actors Studio wrote the theme song to Thundercats
Famous American brands no longer made in the U.S.A.
The 10 greatest anti-heroes
Leprechaun banks robbers die in Tennessee shootout
The Oscar love curse
Manly slang from the 19th century
David after the Dentist video has earned family six figures
Tiger Woods is the Hannibal Lecter of Sexting
The world’s first legally genderless person

Close but No Cigar After a long week of digging through news, scores and...
Close but No Cigar After a long week of digging through news, scores and...
Close but No Cigar After a long week of digging through news, scores and...

Sandra Bullock and the Painted Lady Part II

alec — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 21:05:40 +0000

The plot thickens. Not only was Jesse James sticking his dipstick in Michelle McGee’s tailpipe (you see what I did there… wink wink vroom vroom), but it turns out that she’s also a Nazi. TMZ got a hold of some snapshots that show McGee donning a swastika and an SS hat, and seemingly performing fellatio on a dagger. As we speak, I’m getting the Bear Jew on the horn to carry out a covert Basterds mission.

Sandra Bullock and the Painted Lady Poor Sandra Bullock. Even her undeserved Oscar win isn’t going...
The Ramifications of the Sandra Bullock Oscar Win Well. IT happened. Sandra Bullock took home the Oscar for...
If You Give Sandra Bullock an Oscar… The Terrorists Win The nominees for the 82nd Academy Awards were announced today,...

Proof that You’re Getting Old: Winnie Cooper is Preggers

alec — Fri, 19 Mar 2010 17:26:18 +0000

Sure, she’s 35-years-old. But finding out that Danica McKellar, better known as Winnie Cooper, is pregnant makes me feel like I’m officially not a child anymore. Like I need to be worried about adult issues, like health care reform so I can get a cootie shot booster.

If you were a kid growing up in the 80’s, Winnie Cooper was the girl you wished lived down the block from you, instead of that old guy who liked to air dry in his front yard. Here’s hoping that in a Peter Pan world, Topanga is still without child.

Joanna Krupa’s Maxim Cover So here’s where my mail away bride ended up! I’m...
Anna Torv x Esquire Anna Torv is the Australian beauty who makes you feel...
Rachel Weisz Voted “Most Marriable” Based on a poll conducted by Esquire, 39-year-old actress Rachel...

Another Designer who deserves to get Face Punched

alec — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 21:42:58 +0000

I’m all for creative expression in whichever medium floats your proverbial boat, but it seems like shocking fashion is becoming the norm. Take Elena Burenina’s collection that she just showed at Kiev Fashion Week. I have two explanations for how someone could come up with something so stupid.

1. This is how a toddler would describe walking in on his parents having sex. “Mommy was there. Daddy was under the covers. His legs were poking out. There was a blankey. Mommy was putting her head between Daddy’s legs”

2. This is what the delivery room looked like when Octomom was giving birth. Limbs protruding out of her vagina like it was a mighty oak tree trying to lay down roots.

This Designer Deserves to Get Kicked in the Nuts Designer Isabel Mastache kicked off Madrid Fashion Week with her...
Why I’d Rather be Punched in the Testicles than Call Customer Service Resorting to calling customer service is liking getting your pecker...
Lady Gaga’s Poke-Her Face pt. II In a surprise move, Lady Gaga will now be recording...

Sandra Bullock and the Painted Lady

alec — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:22:31 +0000

Poor Sandra Bullock. Even her undeserved Oscar win isn’t going to soften this shocking revelation. It seems that her husband, Jesse James, was cheating on her with Michelle “Bombshell” McGee while Bullock was in Atlanta shooting The Blind Side. Normally I’m all about the painted ladies, but this broad looks like having sex with her would be like sticking your pecker in the corroded hole on a bad graffiti wall.

Sandra Bullock and the Painted Lady Part II The plot thickens. Not only was Jesse James sticking his...
If You Give Sandra Bullock an Oscar… The Terrorists Win The nominees for the 82nd Academy Awards were announced today,...
The Ramifications of the Sandra Bullock Oscar Win Well. IT happened. Sandra Bullock took home the Oscar for...

Trailer: Four Lions

alec — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:02:19 +0000

I posted a little teaser trailer about Four Lions a couple months back, but now here’s the full trailer. The concept for this movie is probably the most unique and taboo subject you can touch right now. Billed as a terrorist farce, it follows a group of suicide bombers who look like they belong in Police Academy instead of Al Qaeda.

Trailer: Four Lions Four Lions may be the first of its kind: a...
Teaser Trailer: Alice in Wonderland The first teaser trailer for Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland...
Trailer: Youth in Revolt This trailer looks pretty good. Definitely has a Superbad meets...

March Madness or How I Learned to Stop Working and love the New Tab

alec — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 17:09:39 +0000

Day one of the NCAA tournament may be the greatest sporting day of the year. But unlike the Super Bowl which is nestled on a cozy Sunday in between a breakfast beer and an afternoon of chicken wings, March Madness always starts on a Thursday. And if you’re like most sports loving saps, you’re probably stuck at the office finger fucking the hell out of a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet. Here are a few tips for watching the tournament while at work.

You have to have the mentality that you’re going to watch these games at all costs. So if you’re like me, I like to pretend that I’m coming down with a stomach bug a couple days before tip off, then spend the morning in the crapper with my laptop as I use a soundboard of vomit noises to disguise the rambunctious calls of Gus Johnson.

Show your boss a loaded pistol and tell him that “King Kong doesn’t have shit on me!” While this may lead to the ol’ pink slip, I hear they’ve got the dish in County lockup.

Arrange a deal for the hot secretary with the bees knees knockers to put the game on. The boss wouldn’t dare reprimand her, she’s got dirt on him that he wouldn’t want getting out. Mainly, that he wears butt plugs to work.

3 words. Slip and fall. A lawsuit and at least a week at home to watch all the action.

The BOSS BUTTON.

Opening a new tab may be the greatest technological advance ever. With this super power, your company is basically daring you to look at shit you’re not supposed to, then cover it up. Command T. Command T, damnit! I like to imagine this is what it’s like to be a secret agent or a man who has fringe pornography taste. Either way, a new tab is your best friend during March Madness.

Suggestive Toys in Russia: or how I learned to stop worrying and love the stuffed tiger with a throbbing erection. In Mother Russia Tigger is apparently both a shower and...
Syracuse tops UCONN after 6 O.T.’s March Madness is upon us. Put your 20 bucks...
Love Advice from the NBA All Stars Although Valentine’s Day is long gone, someone had the good...

The Axis of Adorable

alec — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 19:29:22 +0000

Danish artist Nina Maria Kleivan seeks to explore the meaning of evil by photographing her baby dressed as evil men from recent history. This includes Hitler, Idi Amin, Augusto Pinochet, Sadam Hussein, Stalin, Mao and Mussolini. I’d assume that if she was American she would have included The Green Bay Packers, Donald Sterling and the makers of the Snuggie.

(via)

Must Have of the Day: The Snob Snuggie Nothing says I’m an unbalanced literary dweeb cult member like...
How To Have Sex in a Snuggie Behold the beauty that is the snuggiesutra. If you don’t...
The Mad Guide to Man Boobs This is what I imagine a torso lineup would look...

Between Two Ferns w/ Zach Galifianakis & Ben Stiller

alec — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 18:58:15 +0000

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis is arguably is the funniest thing on the internet. But the real test of time comes when he invites Ben Stiller on his program. Why? Because Ben Stiller makes me laugh slightly less than watching someone suffer from terminal cancer.

Between Two Ferns w/ Zach Galifianakis Classic right here with Natalie Portman. “You shaved your head...
Between Two Ferns w/ Zach Galifianakis + Conan O’Brien + Andy Richter When you put these three guys together the awkwardness is...
Between Two Ferns w/ Zach Galifianakis + Charlize Theron I think we all can agree that being alone with...