Another day, another dollar and another post about Zooey Deschanel. I can’t help myself, and when I can’t think of anything else to write about, my mind turns to thoughts of frolicking with this fair maiden. But let’s get back on track. During filming of (500) Days of Summer, Marc Webb shot this short film/music video that features her and Joesph Gordon-Levitt dancing around to “Why Don’t You Let Me Stay Here.” Stick ‘em up!
Besides wanting to see how you perform on the field and in the sack, NFL GM’s also wanna see your logic and problem solving skills. This comes in the form of the Wonderlic test. Tim Tebow recently scored 22 out of 50 on the test, placing him slightly below average.
According to the Post, the average Wonderlic score for an NFL quarterback is 24. The newspaper also reported that the quarterback prospects in Mel Kiper Jr.’s latest rankings on ESPN.com — Sam Bradford of Oklahoma (36), Colt McCoy of Texas (25) and Jimmy Clausen of Notre Dame (23) — scored higher than Tebow.
To put those scores in perspective, the Post compared Wonderlic numbers of run-of-the-mill NFL quarterbacks such as Alex Smith (40) and Matt Leinart (35) to those of Pro Football Hall of Famers Dan Marino and Jim Kelly (both 15) and an established star such as Donovan McNabb (14) of the Philadelphia Eagles.
Get your number two pencils ready, it’s time to play Are You Smarter than an Evangelical Quarterback! Answers after the jump. No talking. Keep your eyes on your own paper.
- Look at the row of numbers below. What number should come next?
- Assume the first 2 statements are true. Is the final one:
The boy plays for the Tigers. All the players on the Tigers wear white sneakers. The boy wears white sneakers. - Paper sells for 21 cents per pad. What will 5 pads cost?
- How many of the six pairs of items listed below are exact duplicates?
- PRESENT, RESENT - Do these words
- A train travels 20 feet in 1/5 seconds At this exact speed, how many feet will it travel in three seconds?
- When rope is selling at $.10 a foot, how many feet can you buy for sixty cents?
- The eighth month of the year is:
- Which number in the following group of numbers represents the smallest amount?
- In printing an article of 48,000 words, a printer decides to use two sizes of type. Using the larger type, a printed page contains 1,800 words. Using smaller type, a page contains 2,400 words. The article is allotted 21 full pages in a magazine. How many pages must be in smaller type?
- Three individuals form a partnernship and agree to divide all profits equally. X invests $9,000, Y invests $7,000 and Z invests $4,000. If the profits are $4,800, how much less does X receive than if the profits were divided in proportion to the amount invested?
- Assume the first 2 statements are true. Is the final one:
Ben greeted Beth. Beth greeted Bob. Ben did not greet Bob. - A boy is 16 years old and his sister is twice as old. When the boy is 22 years old, what will be the age of his sister?
- One of the numbered figures in the following drawing is most different from the others. What number is that figure?
- The hours of daylight and darkness in SEPTEMBER are nearest equal to the hours of daylight and darkness in:
- What number is next in the following sequence:
- Which of the following numbers is least like the others?
- Which letter is missing from the group below?
- In a typical city in the Southern Hemisphere, which of the following months sees the most snowfall?
- FLAMMABLE, INFLAMMABLE - Do these words
Mugatu would be pretty impressed with this guy, dubbed Brother Sharp by web users in China. Thanks to his “derelicte” fashion sense, people are starting to dub him “the most handsome underdog of the century.” But here’s the real kicker. This keen fashion sense isn’t a choice… this poor guy is actually homeless. It’s that damn Hansel! He’s so hot right now!
I like to think of Black Eyed Peas fans as Peter Pan clones. They’re adults who act like children, living in a fantasy world where Boom Boom Pow is a substitute for Bangarang. For the life of me I can’t understand the appeal of this group, but like clockwork they release music that takes over the radio waves and the world. I certainly don’t claim to have grown up during the golden age of music, but are these Peter Pans really going to tell their children that they lost their virginity while Imma Be was pulsating on their MP3 player?
Today Howard Stern’s Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant went off without a hitch, pairing three of the alleged 12 hoochies against one another. Among the contestants were Loradena Jolie Ferriolo, Jaimee Grubbs and Jamie Jungers. Bragging rights are always fun in competitions, but cold hard cash and jewelry was at stake. No penises or jungle cats were harmed in the making of this post.
The knucklehead wifeswappers over at Ashley Madison surveyed 1.9 million of their new members to gauge the most popular professions amongst the key party/adulterous participants. Below is their findings, separated by sex.
For Women:
1. Teachers
2. Stay-at-home Moms
3. Nurses
4. Administrative Assistants
5. Real Estate Agents
So what exactly does this teach us? Basically that all of those ornery eighth graders out there can stop doing their dioramas and start blackmailing their teachers. Same goes for chores doled out by mother dearest.
For Men:
1. Physicians
2. Police Officers
3. Lawyers
4. Real Estate Agents
5. Engineers
So what exactly does this teach us? Doctors have the right to diddle whoever they want. They’re lifesavers for Christs sake! If you can rid someone of cancer, I say you should get a sex voucher from the government that allows you to have sex with a Buick if you want to. But police officers? Not only do they have the most vile, dishonest job around, but they’re bad husbands too. No means no. Don’t Taze me bro.
My big problem with G.I. Joes is that they didn’t drink enough or have unprotected sex. Also, the female G.I. Joes were a little too butch for my taste. But fear not misogynist toy purveyors, there’s a new toy on the market that lay down their weapons for the sake of plastic nookie.
Mattel is rolling out a line of Barbie dolls modeled after characters from AMC’s Mad Men. Accessories include unfiltered cigarettes, bastard children and pocket squares. Infidelity and womens’ lib sold separately.
At some point in my life I’m probably gonna have a kid, and trying to come to some agreement with the knocked up lady about a suitable name is gonna be like pulling teeth. Your name defines what kind of person you are, and what kind of person you’re going to become. And for girls, if you end up with any of these unfortunate names, a guy is gonna think your panties are like an ATM, he can come/cum at his convenience.
Zooey Deschanel only gets better looking when she transitions from indie actress to indie singer/songwriter. The only problem with quirky girls is that the line drawn in the sand between cute and crazy is always pretty faint. One minute she’s giving you hand relief, the next she’s stabbing you in the back.
Drug freak-outs on 1980’s television shows were the absolute greatest. They wanted to send a message to all the stonewashed jean clad youth out there, but they also didn’t wanna make a “I’ll suck your cock for some crack” statement either. The best example of this practice has to be the now classic Jessie Spano freakout, now featuring this handy chart.
Authors&Co.
Family
